It can’t be that wrong, right? Is it really that big of a deal? Everybody does it. Does it really affect anyone else? I hope nobody finds out. I just can’t get a handle on this! Why me? What is wrong with me? I feel so disgusting and ashamed!
Justification, shame, secrecy, self-condemnation, disgust. The cycle of struggling with sexual sin. It is a cycle of sin that so many easily get caught up in. In a culture that has become increasingly sexualized, we have decreased the boundaries of sexual promiscuity and propriety. A growing number of sexual behaviors and attitudes are wildly accepted and even encouraged. We are told from a young age to explore the world of sexuality and human desire; that all natural desires are ours for the taking without much regard for morality, others and even our own well-being.
Why is sexual sin such a big deal? To answer that question we must first understand: Sex and Sexuality was God’s idea. The gift of sexuality was given by God and He has called us to steward this gift. Looking back at the beginning, the creation of man in Genesis 2:22-25 (ESV) says, “Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”
This is the first declaration of marriage by God. He created woman to be a helper and companion for man and to have unconditional commitment to one another. God sets up marriage and designs it for the glory of God as a reflection of the gospel. Adam and Eve were both naked and felt no shame. This is not only a reflection of the beginning of sexuality in the Bible and the sexual relationship between a man and his wife. It’s a look at how God designed sexual expression in marriage to be for pleasure; that there is complete trust and vulnerability between a man and his wife without fear of rejection, ridicule or disordered thinking about the intention and beauty of God’s design for sexuality.
This was God’s idea and intention for the sexuality between men and women in the context of marriage. God designed our sexuality to be expressed in the covenant of marriage.
Our twisted view of sexuality comes from our good desire God has given us, but is marred by our sinful hearts and the broken world around us.
“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” 10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” (Gen 3:8-10).
When Adam and Eve heard God walking in the garden, they were scared. This was the first time that man had experienced fear. They knew they had disobeyed God and therefore sinned. There was fear from the exposure and vulnerability now that they were left with because of their sin. Along with that brought the brokenness in how men and women see each other and the gift of sexuality. No longer were they able to have perfect trust and vulnerability with one another because sin had tainted their hearts. The effects of sin made it difficult to take the same pleasure in this gift from God without fear and distorted thinking. Their relationship with God was broken and so their relationship with each other was broken.
We see this in the world all around us. Let me be clear: our problem with sexual sin is not an external one. It comes from our broken and stained hearts. We have taken what is good and pleasing to the Lord and twisted it into something it was not meant for; a selfish and shameful thing for which it was not designed to be. But we do see the result of this brokenness in the world and how societies view sexual expression.
So, when we are trying to understand the problem of sexual sin, we must first understand these two factors – the design and the brokenness that comes from sin. But that is not the end of the story. There is hope in the midst of sexual sin. Even when it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, that there is no overcoming and no victory in sight, we can cling to the hope found in Jesus Christ.
Grace upon Grace. How sweet it is to trust in Jesus and to experience his grace. Running to the saviour who has overcome the world and brought victory over sin. John 16:33 says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Take heart dear Christian. God has already overcome the world. When you feel defeated and weighed down by sin, remember the victory that has already been won on Calvary. Yes, in this life we will struggle. We will always have to fight to gain the right perspective and thoughts when it comes to sexuality. But we can take heart because we know that Christ has already overcome. Not only that, because of this truth there is hope for change. We do not need to be stuck in our old way of thinking. We can have freedom and transformation in our thinking to be glorifying to God. We can have restoration and redemption in all areas of our life which includes our sexuality.
Whatever it is, broken relationships, past failures, others that might have sinned against you in the area of sexual sin; whatever has left you feeling deafened and shameful; look to Jesus. He promises that we can have freedom and healing in him.
“Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 8:25)
He brings deliverance and hope to even the most broken in what seem like the most hopeless of situations.
Here are some practical ways to fight in the area of sexual sin
1) Dive into scripture and prayer. Fill your mind with truth and pour your heart out to the Lord for help in your battle against sexual sin. Memorize specific verses that you can recall when you are struggling. Run to the Lord in prayer. “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:11).
2) Find accountability. One of the displays of God’s grace and help is found in the body of Christ. Fellow believers can provide help, accountability and can also point us to truth. James 5:16 says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
3) Find a Biblical Counsellor to meet with on a regular basis; someone who can help guide you to change through the power of God’s word.
Most importantly, run to our savior, rest in him and the promises of God. Find his grace and the compassion he has for our struggles. “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16).
By: Katie Anderson, ACBC Counsellor
Instagram: @walking_gracefilled